When life unfolds - Part - 1

We feel happy when things go as per our preferences and feel dejected when it happens otherwise.

If one reflects, thinks objectively, one would find that there is nothing great about our preferences and prejudices. They are mere thoughts, picked-up from here and there - from our surroundings. Many a time these change with time. In retrospect, sometimes, we find how frivolous or useless or wrong our preference or prejudice was.

As we have our preferences and prejudices, so have others. And everyone is sure of correctness of one's preferences or prejudices and is passionate about them. In real life situations, there is thus going to be conflict - closely related persons having opposing preferences.

There is no way these can be resolved except when one of them yields. And it is equally difficult for either of them to do so, especially for the elders who (may be mistakenly) feel that with their experience of life they are in better position to decide between good and bad or right and wrong.

Then what is the way out.

The truth is that in absolute sense there is nothing right and wrong - events just unfold like rise and fall of waves in ocean. Nothing really changes - it is all water with or without waves.

Further, nobody knows what will be the outcome or consequence of an option - future is hidden.  Though, if one follows dictates of elders, the outcome may or may not result in a happy life, it will be so even if one follows one's own decision.

For resolution of conflicts, the society therefore provided for an arbitrary but uniform rule - obedience on the part of youngsters. Young ones were expected to accept what elders ordained without question like they do in Army. To obey was assigned a great virtue. With this value system, one could take pride and feel happy in obeying one's elders. That is how Rama happily accepted what his step-mother and father asked him to do - happily went to forest leaving all the comforts of a palace.

But this value system no more exists in today's world. The young one's do not take pride in obeying their elders. They wish to follow their own dreams. Why should one blindly follow the elders, they think? This is also fine. This is today's value system. So the comfort of just following the elders is no more an option. If this door is closed, one has to necessarily look for another one.

An enlightened approach would be to accept what Supeji says - one may plan for one's course of action and tell oneself that rest is God's wish. One may wish and plan that he  wants to go to Varanasi but should simultaneously tell oneself - rest is God's wish - baki bhagwan ki Ichha. Muslims also say, 'Insa-allaha'. One has to know that outcome of  any action does not solely depend on us - it is resultant of many forces - there being many players in a game and then there is a mysterious factor.

If one deeply thinks and realises this truth, one will not be disturbed but welcome what comes one's way.

I can tell you about a few events in my life where following advice of others helped me and flow of events contrary to my desire did not harm - on the contrary helped me.

While appearing for entrance exam of Roorkee University, my first paper was spoiled and I wanted to come back home. On the request and suggestion of my classmate, I stayed back for another two days and appeared in all papers and got through. It changed my life. Had I stuck to my decision, life would have taken a different course.

While in the final year of engineering, I was very keen on going to US for MS. I got offer of admission also from Hawaii University, Honolulu - an exciting tourist attraction even for Americans. I was very excited about it. My parents, fearing that once gone, I would not come back, did not let me go. I had to stay back. Obviously I felt a little bad at that time. But instead of being bitter about it, I looked ahead and started preparing for Civil Services Exam (an altogether different career) and got into Income-tax which proved to be wonderful.

In Income-tax once I wanted to be posted in Meerut and got transfer order also for that place. But apparently unjustifiably my order was cancelled to accommodate someone else. I was forced to go to Indore. Again, I felt a little bad but once I was there, I started working very sincerely. This forced posting proved to be best part of my entire career. I got lot of appreciation and recognition for my work. Satisfaction of this important need (to be appreciated and recognised) helped me a lot in my spiritual journey.

Thus, when one door was closed, I went through the other and it proved to be wonderful. I could not have planned my life as well as God has done it for me. Our knowledge is very very limited. HE knows best. HE creates situations to put us on a right path. He does it through others who appear to be inimical to us in that moment. But this is how he uses force to correct our errors - preferences borne out of ignorance.

A couple of examples from the lives of close friends and relatives.

One young girl who completed her graduation from Bangalore did not want to come to Indore (to her this place looked like a dusty village and she felt as if people there were not cool) and do MBA. Her father forced her to study in Indore instead of taking up a low paid job in Bangalore. Her reactions at that time were sharp. Thanks to insistence of her father and her compliance to that (even though with reluctance), she is so happy about it now. Consequently, she enjoyed her internship abroad and is back to Bangalore - the place she preferred and that too with much better salary.

Another example, a young girl wanted to marry a boy with criminal record. Her parents tried hard to prevent her from doing so for over a year. Sometimes her mother not only scolded but also beat her up. She did not yield and got married to him. Today she is very unhappy and says that they should not have allowed her to do that.

In fact, if one flows with the course of events and does not fight much, HE sails us through smoothly - without much struggle. Otherwise we would find everyone including fate conspiring against us - leaving us unhappy and frustrated.

In storm trees trying to stand erect are broken and uprooted whereas the same storm removes the dust from grass blades which bend and they come back as fresh and strong.

Those who try to swim against the stream get tired and those who float are effortlessly carried by the stream.

Rebellion and fighting is easy.  It is a natural tendency as it strengthens the ego - sense of 'I'.  But it requires great strength to let go one's preferences and prejudices and go with others - go with the flow - into an unknown and unplanned territory.  Accept the challenge and explore what life has on offer.

Recognise HIS signals, be open to what unfolds before you and enjoy HIS bounties.