Living in Harmony – No Conflict, Compromise or Sacrifice

To a friend who misunderstood the concept that compromise and sacrifice does not lead one to a joyful living

It is true that if in a relationship one makes a sacrifice or compromise, an expectation is attached to it.  More often than not such expectation is not fulfilled resulting in a feeling that one has allowed oneself to be taken for a ride.  Consequently there is a feeling of frustration, anger or depression.  In some way (unknowingly - propelled by sub-conscious feelings) one is likely to take his revenge and, therefore, sacrifice or the compromise as such does not help anyone.  But at the same time, it is equally true that when we have no option but to live in this society, particularly with our family members, if we have to be happy and enjoy our lives, our relationships have to be harmonious and free of confrontations.

There is thus an unavoidable need for change in all of us – to achieve harmony in our relationships.

Now the question is how to avoid confrontations in relationships without compromise, repression and sacrifice?  It is impossible to achieve it through change of persons or situations or through rationalisation of one’s thought process or mind.  The process of rationalisation can at best reduce the irritants to some extent and make the relationships tolerable.  But in this, there is no scope for joyous living.

For a joyous living one has to look for some other process – a process of transformation which results in increased level of acceptance in us.  If acceptance arises, one is in harmony with everyone and everything around and the question of repression or sacrifice does not arise.

Before coming to the process of inner transformation, it would be better if we first understand the reasons for non-acceptance or disharmony.  The level of non-acceptance in fact depends on intensity of our likes and dislikes.  These in turn depend on our ideas of good and bad, or so to say, our social conditioning. These ideas and conditioning constitute our personality or mind.  If we have rigid notions about right and wrong or good and bad, our personality, a false sense of self (ego), is strong.  We would then have strong likes and dislikes.  Since most of the external situations (including the behavior of our family members and friends) are not going to be exactly as per our likes and dislikes, they would trigger emotions like anger, violence, depression, fear etc. in us and cause all kinds of complexities in our mind and relationships.  The demolition of this false sense of self, the personality, is thus the only way to become more and more accepting and capable of living in harmony with the persons and the existence around.

The demolition of mental constructions or false sense of self or ego – the process of inner transformation – is the aim of all spiritual sadhana.

Once, one is in harmony with the persons and things around, one is in paradise – always joyous.  It also requires to be clearly understood that sadhana does not lead one to a disinterested kind of life but to a fuller life – capable of enjoying everything and every situation.  Sadhana is the only way to live life like a king and not as a beggar – always seeking attention, love and appreciations from others.

Guru shows the way – follow it – never to regret later.

One more thing to understand – the existence or the God or any Guru cannot force any thing on any body.  If it was possible, one Krishna or one Buddha, with the compassion they had for all the suffering in this world, would have made the entire world free of suffering and enlightened.

If one is open, willing and aspires for some change, only then he can help remove the obstacles.