Suffering Opens the Way to Bliss

To a friend who saw misery all around and felt that the God is not right in creating this kind of a world

The question – why there is inequality and suffering in this world appears to have remained unanswered even today.  Whatever answers are there, like the principle of Karma and fate or destiny, appear to fall flat on a little more questioning when we try to understand them in a logical way through our mind.  Though who have known have no doubt on the principle of destiny in respect of what we get in the external world (material possessions and relationships) and free choice in the inner dimension – spiritual quest.  Why is it so?

The expanse of the existence is infinite.  Everything in it is interconnected and interdependent – inanimates like galaxies, sun, earth, water, light and animates like plant, animals, human beings etc.  And they are functioning in an order – governed by some law.   Mind is finite – limited by the inputs from the sense organs.  It can understand only that which is finite.  Infinite simply means that which is beyond comprehension of the mind.  

Existence is not an unresolved puzzle – by its very nature it is puzzle which is incapable of being resolved.  That is why it is said that the life is a mystery (jeevan rahashya hai) – mystery for the limited mind.  Those who went to explore this mystery had to necessarily go beyond the mind.  In that search the explorer (ego or perception of a separate identity) is lost and becomes one with it.  There is no observer, nothing to observe and no observation – only an experience of peace and bliss.  We are aware that there is no way to express even physical experiences like taste of something.  The only way is to make the person taste that particular thing.  It cannot, obviously, be otherwise in respect of an experience that is beyond the mind.  So it is not that the human beings have not experienced the existence and its mysteries but there is no way it can be communicated to us through words.  Some of us can, however, surely feel something of it in the presence of a person (Guru) who has experienced it.

Coming to the process of logical understanding, how do we decide on correctness or otherwise of any statement?  The correctness of a statement is judged by comparing it with the information stored in our brain cells.  If the statement agrees with that, we call it to be correct.  But if it does not agree with the stored information, we consider it to be incorrect.  Now consider a situation that the information in the form of the new statement was part of our memory and the information lying there was received now.  Then comparing them we would have had an opposite view.  So our logic works on first come first serve principle.  Whatever is put in the mind first is correct and that becomes the basis for our decision of correctness or otherwise of anything which we encounter later.  Absurdity and unreliability of our logic is, thus, obvious.  This, in fact, is the cause of all our hatred and destruction in the name of nations and religions.

Another thing, answer to ‘why’ only takes a question a step back.  In reality it is not an answer.  For example, if a child asks : why the plants are green?  One can answer, it is because of presence of chlorophyll.  But question can again be asked : why the presence of chlorophyll makes it green or why the plants contain chlorophyll?  One can go on putting 'why' before each of the answer.  And soon one would reach a stage where there will be no further answer.

In reality there is no answer to ‘why’.  Search for an answer to ‘why’ is an itch of the mind.  It does not solve a problem – it only takes it a step back.  And this keeps the mind occupied – preventing one from finding real solutions to one’s problems. 

Mind or the ego survives only on that which is no more there (past) and that which is yet to come (future).  And that evokes suffering, anger or anxiety.  Sadguru Jaggi Vasudev once said that it is not a miracle that a few persons like Buddha, Christ or Krishna attain a state of bliss – it is our basic nature.  The miracle is that how by continuously delving into past and future, working overtime, we manage to create misery.  If we stop for a while, the bliss will spring up from within, as it is our basic nature.

In the present, in the experience of ‘isness’, there is no mind and no ego.  Without knowing, we have all experienced the ‘isness’ of the present.  All our experiences of happiness are those when in certain circumstance, our mind was silenced, i.e., it was not engaged in some thought of past or the future.  One experiences it in a caressing touch of one’s loved one in a relaxed state, one experiences it when one witnesses whole range of snow clad mountains or vast sea for the first time.

Whatever ‘is’, it is there.  It cannot be otherwise.  To think that one can make a difference to this infinite interconnected and interdependent existence is an illusion of the ‘ego’ – the limited mind.  In the acceptance of what ‘is’ lies the answer – peace and bliss.

To many it may appear that ‘acceptance’ is an escape from reality – when the whole world is suffering how can one just accept it and avoid doing something to bring an improvement – leave a better world behind.

Acceptance does not mean inaction.  Whatever requires to be done in a set-up according to the social norms and position in which one finds oneself to be placed, one needs to do that to best of one’s ability.  Whatever follows, it follows.  There has to be acceptance for that.  Again if one tries to accept, such acceptance will not have grace.  If acceptance springs up from within, it is beautiful.

Acceptance of everything and everyone is the key.  This leads one to experience the present moment as in state of acceptance there is no past and no future.  To reach this state – the state of total acceptance – state of peace and bliss – one needs to delve in (by following processes for one's spiritual growth).  It is not something which has to be acquired from somewhere or from someone, it is our basic nature.

One more thing to understand is that actually what we see around reflects our mental make-up, rather than any reality.  A person in separation from one’s beloved sees the moon, the trees – all sad.  In the same setting, a person with one’s beloved and in a romantic mood finds the moon and the trees and everyone around dancing and participating in a great celebration of this existence.

One morning I was going for a walk in Allahabad.  I saw two dogs, jogging in a relaxed manner with their tails up.  On other side of the road, a huge dog tied with a rope was menacingly barking.  Other two dogs, without taking a note of the barking dog, continued enjoying their relaxed jogging.  When the dogs, who are expected to impulsively react, could ignore the barking dog, can we who ascribe intelligence to ourselves not ignore provocative actions of others, I thought.  Other person instead of picking up such teaching, could have got irritated over unnecessary noise being created by the dog or even against the owner of the dog or the Municipal Corporation.

It is a fact that nobody can put anger or fear into anyone.  Hidden anger or fear in somebody may get triggered because of someone else’s action.  Some persons are known to be cool and some short tempered.  In the same environment, their reactions differ.  So it is not the circumstance that is responsible for our reactions but it is our mental make up including the sub-conscious and unconscious layers of our mind that determines our response.  If we see pain and suffering around, again it is projection of our inner hidden pain.  They say the world (Samsar) is a screen and we project ourselves on that screen.  Anxiety, anger or mental suffering do not come from outside, they are our reactions to external situations.  Reactions are solely ours.

If the cause of the problem was outside, it would have been very difficult to deal with it as the solution may depend on so many external factors and multitude of forces acting outside – most of which may be beyond our control.  But as the cause of our suffering is our reaction, we have complete freedom and power over it.

Coming back to the role of the mind – it is not an enemy – it is an invaluable aid and opens up supreme opportunity to human beings.  Apart from its role in maintaining this body and making a living in this world, if one’s intelligence is really sharp, it helps reach the understanding that one cannot achieve lasting happiness through external pursuits such as getting into relationships, achieving material progress or by attaining higher status in the society (only dull headed one’s go on fooling themselves around in a make believe world).  In fact all these efforts lead to conflict, frustration and suffering. It (mind) thus makes one look in another direction – the inside.

And it is the experience of everyone who has looked within that the whole existence is in continuous celebration and becomes one with that celebration.  That is the ultimate flowering of a human being.

In fact only such a person goes in search within who has realized that this world is full of suffering (Jeevan dukh hai – first truth enunciated by Bhagwan Buddha).  Only such a person would meet a real Guru.  Suffering thus opens the way to bliss.

Welcoming you to the world of celebration.

Sukh mein sumiran jo kare

When one is struck by grief (caused by loss of something or someone, one is attached to; hatred; fear etc.), life energy comes down. One goes into depression.

Negative emotions are something like holes in a pot containing water - pot soon becomes empty.

In that situation one does not have minimum threshold of life energy necessary to come out of that depression. Any amount of understanding of spiritual concepts through conscious mind does not help. Even when one is convinced of sadhana, mun does not have capacity to undertake any form of sadhana - it does not stay with anything except the grief.

In that state, blessing of a Guru may also not work in the short run. Many a Guru discourage / refuse meeting such a person knowing that it will not work.

Normally one remembers GOD in the state of grief (Dukh mein sumiran sab karein). But in that state one is not in a position to sustain the effort and fails.

It is therefore necessary that one makes serious efforts for one's evolution when one is in happier state - state of sukh. As they say 'make hay when sun shines'.

By undertaking sadhana at a time when as a consequence of unfolding of good karmas all is well, one attains to higher level of consciousness - higher level of life energy. And, as mentioned in some of my earlier posts, in that state one's level of acceptance goes up. Either of the choices in a given situation appear to acceptable. And therefore a situation which is normally perceived by others as unacceptable and unpleasant, may not affect him - he not having strong preferences or prejudices for or against anything or anyone.

In due course when negative karmas unfold into seemingly unpleasant situations, even if one is affected, one is not bogged down by them. One is equipped to maintain equanimity and equipoise.

This concept is beautifully put in an oft repeated DOHA :

"Dukh mein sumiran sab karein, sukh mein kare naa koye;

JO SUKH MEIN SUMIRAN KARE DUKH KAHE KO HOYE"

Remember HIM in good times and be equipped to face the change of cycle!

When life unfolds - Part - 2

My mother was not allowed to study beyond 3rd standard because when she was in school, a girl studying in her village school in 5th standard ran away with a teacher. When she grew up and had all of us as children, she wanted us to study well. 

My father was the only male child from 3 of our grandfathers. My grandparents obviously wanted him to look after cultivation of our lands. For this reason they did not want him to study beyond 8th standard. He rebelled and ran away from the house to Rishikesh and got admission in an Ayurveda College run by Baba Kale Kambaliwale. Stay, food and education in this college was free.

My father soon became a renowned Ayurvedic doctor, served thousands of patients in our area, brought good name to his parents and managed cultivation of our lands as well.

Rebellion, not succumbing to dictates of his father and grandfather, gave him great opportunity.

In the meantime his younger brother was also borne (younger by 16 years). My father knew the importance of education and wanted him and my elder brothers and sister to study well.

My uncle was sent for higher studies (9th onwards) to Dehradun and my elder brothers and sister were also sent to hostels in Haridwar from primary classes itself. 

My mother was in fact so particular about disciplined studies that whenever my eldest brother ran away from his college, she would not allow him to stay in the house even if it was night. She would force him and accompany him back to college. Whenever any of us bunked any class, she would scold us severely and often beat us up.

In spite of all the strictness and sincere efforts of my parents, my uncle left his studies after 12th and came home to look after his share of lands in the village. My elder brothers and sister also did not do well. My eldest brother did not even clear High School.

And I and my younger brother and sisters, because of lack of finances (all elders were studying in city and living in hostels), had to study in the village school and devote substantial time and effort to cultivation and tending to cattle. 

Of them also, I alone did well in my studies - with no mentoring, pushing or use of force by the parents.

My eldest Jijaji was an intelligent, cultured, humorous and hard working man. We were always impressed by him.

One monsoon season, Gangaji changed its course a bit and his lands were swept away and became Gangaji. He was not bogged down by this huge loss and to maintain or improve upon his financial status took large tracts of lands on lease for cultivation and managed bank finance for cultivation and purchase of a tractor. Crop grew well and suddenly at the time of harvesting there were repeated showers of unseasonal rains.  Whole crop was destroyed. He could not pay lease rentals to land owners and bank EMIs.

Even in such adverse circumstances he did not loose self belief and initiative. With his interpersonal skills and honesty of purpose, he convinced landlords to allow him lease of another year when he will pay them for both the years. Convinced bank also to reschedule repayment of loan.

He did well again. Crop again came up well and something happened which was unbelievable. Rarest of rare occurrence - unseasonal rains again destroyed his harvested crop lying in the fields.

He was broken, chased by creditors, confined himself to the house and died in miserable conditions. Things had come to such a pass that one of his sons had to work as an agricultural labour.

In due course one of his sons and one daughter did reasonably well and things are reasonably OK after his death!

As mentioned a little earlier, my eldest brother did not pass High School. He was lazy and failed in all activities through out his life. 

My bhabhi on the other hand is a very loving, caring, contented and hard working lady. She continued to be that way and remained cheerful amidst severe financially difficult situations - just imagine state of a lady who has two sons and two daughters and whose husband does not earn enough to meet their daily needs. 

With HIS grace, both the daughters are happily married - their husbands are doing well. Both the sons did ITI courses, are employed and married to good natured girls. Family atmosphere is excellent.

Their elder son-in-law at the time marriage was a PTI (Physical Training Instructor) in Central School. Soon, he got a posting to a terrorist infested area in J&K. For this reason, he resigned from that Govt Job. Everybody was worried at his decision and uncertain future. Nobody, however, came in the way of his decision.

He wanted to do some business with meagre capital which he could manage. He sought my help in getting some agency which I could not assure. He started on his own and is today biggest dealer of white goods in Haridwar. Loss of job - seemingly negative event - opened huge opportunities for him.

Scriptures says that events unfold according to one's prarabdha (fate).

No one can really change the course of events - cannot shape the lives of their children or organisations.  

If one reflects back, one would find it to be true.

The scriptures further expound that when one's aspirations and efforts happen to be in line with whatever is going to happen (according to prarabdha), one feels as if the desired outcome is due to his intelligence and effort.  An illusion of success is created. One feels happy and has false sense of attainment. It is something like situation of a dog who walking with and in the shade of a bullock cart thinks that he is carrying the cart! 

On the other hand when one's aspirations and efforts happen to be different than what is going to happen, one has illusion of failure.

There is thus no success or failure but only illusions of success or failure.

One only feels happy at illusion of success or feels dejected and depressed at illusion of failure.

Somewhat evolved souls have trust in the Divine Will - result of lives times of humble submission to higher principles - as Gaur Saheb would say. These souls simply carry on happily with their lives as life unfolds. 

On the other hand not so evolved souls carry on stains of strong ego, insist on managing situations and learn their lessons hard way after much suffering.

Life is a mystery. No one knows what is good and what is bad (right or wrong) until life unfolds.

Supeji has written a small and beautiful poem on this. The poem runs thus.

"When life unfolds,

all things indistinct, all things in 

the wrong and seemingly erroneous

Become right.

Everything is so-imprecise, unhappy

until life unfolds.

Once life unfolds, all is well!

We just wait ... ungrudging, unjudging, surrendering!

As mentioned in Part-I of this post, I am blessed that whenever life unfolded in a dimension different then what I preferred, I could sincerely follow the available course without much rancour or regret.

And found life to be wonderful!

When life unfolds - Part - 1

We feel happy when things go as per our preferences and feel dejected when it happens otherwise.

If one reflects, thinks objectively, one would find that there is nothing great about our preferences and prejudices. They are mere thoughts, picked-up from here and there - from our surroundings. Many a time these change with time. In retrospect, sometimes, we find how frivolous or useless or wrong our preference or prejudice was.

As we have our preferences and prejudices, so have others. And everyone is sure of correctness of one's preferences or prejudices and is passionate about them. In real life situations, there is thus going to be conflict - closely related persons having opposing preferences.

There is no way these can be resolved except when one of them yields. And it is equally difficult for either of them to do so, especially for the elders who (may be mistakenly) feel that with their experience of life they are in better position to decide between good and bad or right and wrong.

Then what is the way out.

The truth is that in absolute sense there is nothing right and wrong - events just unfold like rise and fall of waves in ocean. Nothing really changes - it is all water with or without waves.

Further, nobody knows what will be the outcome or consequence of an option - future is hidden.  Though, if one follows dictates of elders, the outcome may or may not result in a happy life, it will be so even if one follows one's own decision.

For resolution of conflicts, the society therefore provided for an arbitrary but uniform rule - obedience on the part of youngsters. Young ones were expected to accept what elders ordained without question like they do in Army. To obey was assigned a great virtue. With this value system, one could take pride and feel happy in obeying one's elders. That is how Rama happily accepted what his step-mother and father asked him to do - happily went to forest leaving all the comforts of a palace.

But this value system no more exists in today's world. The young one's do not take pride in obeying their elders. They wish to follow their own dreams. Why should one blindly follow the elders, they think? This is also fine. This is today's value system. So the comfort of just following the elders is no more an option. If this door is closed, one has to necessarily look for another one.

An enlightened approach would be to accept what Supeji says - one may plan for one's course of action and tell oneself that rest is God's wish. One may wish and plan that he  wants to go to Varanasi but should simultaneously tell oneself - rest is God's wish - baki bhagwan ki Ichha. Muslims also say, 'Insa-allaha'. One has to know that outcome of  any action does not solely depend on us - it is resultant of many forces - there being many players in a game and then there is a mysterious factor.

If one deeply thinks and realises this truth, one will not be disturbed but welcome what comes one's way.

I can tell you about a few events in my life where following advice of others helped me and flow of events contrary to my desire did not harm - on the contrary helped me.

While appearing for entrance exam of Roorkee University, my first paper was spoiled and I wanted to come back home. On the request and suggestion of my classmate, I stayed back for another two days and appeared in all papers and got through. It changed my life. Had I stuck to my decision, life would have taken a different course.

While in the final year of engineering, I was very keen on going to US for MS. I got offer of admission also from Hawaii University, Honolulu - an exciting tourist attraction even for Americans. I was very excited about it. My parents, fearing that once gone, I would not come back, did not let me go. I had to stay back. Obviously I felt a little bad at that time. But instead of being bitter about it, I looked ahead and started preparing for Civil Services Exam (an altogether different career) and got into Income-tax which proved to be wonderful.

In Income-tax once I wanted to be posted in Meerut and got transfer order also for that place. But apparently unjustifiably my order was cancelled to accommodate someone else. I was forced to go to Indore. Again, I felt a little bad but once I was there, I started working very sincerely. This forced posting proved to be best part of my entire career. I got lot of appreciation and recognition for my work. Satisfaction of this important need (to be appreciated and recognised) helped me a lot in my spiritual journey.

Thus, when one door was closed, I went through the other and it proved to be wonderful. I could not have planned my life as well as God has done it for me. Our knowledge is very very limited. HE knows best. HE creates situations to put us on a right path. He does it through others who appear to be inimical to us in that moment. But this is how he uses force to correct our errors - preferences borne out of ignorance.

A couple of examples from the lives of close friends and relatives.

One young girl who completed her graduation from Bangalore did not want to come to Indore (to her this place looked like a dusty village and she felt as if people there were not cool) and do MBA. Her father forced her to study in Indore instead of taking up a low paid job in Bangalore. Her reactions at that time were sharp. Thanks to insistence of her father and her compliance to that (even though with reluctance), she is so happy about it now. Consequently, she enjoyed her internship abroad and is back to Bangalore - the place she preferred and that too with much better salary.

Another example, a young girl wanted to marry a boy with criminal record. Her parents tried hard to prevent her from doing so for over a year. Sometimes her mother not only scolded but also beat her up. She did not yield and got married to him. Today she is very unhappy and says that they should not have allowed her to do that.

In fact, if one flows with the course of events and does not fight much, HE sails us through smoothly - without much struggle. Otherwise we would find everyone including fate conspiring against us - leaving us unhappy and frustrated.

In storm trees trying to stand erect are broken and uprooted whereas the same storm removes the dust from grass blades which bend and they come back as fresh and strong.

Those who try to swim against the stream get tired and those who float are effortlessly carried by the stream.

Rebellion and fighting is easy.  It is a natural tendency as it strengthens the ego - sense of 'I'.  But it requires great strength to let go one's preferences and prejudices and go with others - go with the flow - into an unknown and unplanned territory.  Accept the challenge and explore what life has on offer.

Recognise HIS signals, be open to what unfolds before you and enjoy HIS bounties.

Dilemma of a Seeker

Persons who become interested in pursuing some spiritual practice often have a doubt – whether by following this path one would continue to be interested in one’s work and one would fit into this world where everyone is materialistically oriented.  And some of those who have followed this path for a few years and have become a little inward looking, find themselves a little estranged from their earlier social circle.  They start thinking whether it would not be better to quit one’s job or occupation and devote themselves fully to their chosen path.

Before one can venture to answer these questions, some basics of life have to be understood.

This body and mind and all their attributes are acquired from the nature (Prakriti).  The body and mind belong to this world.  By its very nature this body and mind mechanism cannot live without action.  It is bound to act according to the diktats of the nature.  It has no independence. 

The consciousness (Purush) or the life force within this mechanism is always free and is not bound by anything.

Somehow, mysteriously, when this consciousness comes in contact with the body and mind mechanism, another centre ‘I’ comes into existence.  This centre starts thinking this body and mind as ‘its’.  It also ascribes the ‘acquired attributes’ of body and mind as its ‘qualities’.  This identification spreads to persons and things outside to whom this ‘I’ calls as ‘mine’.  Then all the struggle for acquiring and maintaining the qualities, material possessions and relationships starts.

To be spiritual is to drop this ‘I’ and be free.  In absence of ‘I’, ‘mine’ obviously has no existence.

If one’s intellect is sharp enough to understand the nature of body, mind and consciousness; nothing remains to be done.  It cuts through the identification and one is free.  But we obviously try to comprehend this through our mind.  Logical comprehension by the mind does not become our understanding.  The identification with the body and mind and consequently with things and persons outside continues.  Because of this, the path of understanding (Gyan yog) is not available to many.

Another way to drop ‘I’ is to feel from every pore of this body and mind that this nature is also manifestation of the consciousness and as such everything and everyone is 'consciousness' or ‘God’.  When everything and everyone is ‘God’ the question of something like ‘I’ being there does not arise.  This is way of Bhakti.  Few are endowed with bhakti.

Third way is to let this body and mind act in this world (as it cannot remain without action) with an understanding that all which this body and mind mechanism has acquired is acquired from this world.  Everyone is merely using the bounties of the nature.  There is nothing which one has created and which one can really call as his.  With this understanding, one would obviously serve the world with all one’s acquired attributes and material acquisitions, i.e., the Prakriti (this body and mind) will serve the Prakriti (this world).  Such action (without any desire for personal gain or glory) is Karmyog.

Yet another way is that of ‘Dhyan’, i.e., meditation.  It has two main branches - ‘Yog’ and ‘Tantra’.

When one starts entering the path of Yog (Ashtangyog – the eight fold path enunciated by Patanjali), the questions relating to morality, ethics, celibacy etc. crop up as ‘Yam’ and ‘Niyam’ are prerequisites on this path.  This is the path of the renunciants.

The path of Tantra (112 methods of meditation told to Parvati by Shiva) involves total acceptance, i.e., acceptance of everything, every emotion, every thought, and every being.  There is nothing wrong or right, good or bad or moral or immoral.  It cannot be, as all is manifestation of same consciousness or energy.  Science also now accepts this truth.

As discussed earlier one cannot remain without action.  When one is simply lying down, enormous activity is still on inside the body and mind which is nothing but action.  Action in this world is inevitable.  So be in it.  Unless this inherent urge for action is allowed to unfold, one cannot reach a state of meditation, i.e., a state of relaxation (non-doing).

When action is inevitable (and in fact it aids reach the state of meditation), easiest way to go about in this world is to respond to the situation in which one finds oneself to be in.  Every game has to be played with some rules.  Follow, therefore, the rules of the game (acting according to social norms and law of the land - referred to as Shastras in ancients texts).  In the context of Government service, the relevant law and procedures, the CCS(CCA) Rules and the Conduct Rules are the Shastras.  Know that in responding to a situation according to Shastras, one is not doing anything, things are just happening.  For example, when a judge orders death sentence to a law breaker, it is not he who is punishing him but it is the action of the law breaker which has resulted in the punishment.  Action or response according to Shastras does not bind one (there is no accumulation of Karmic-baggage), i.e., there are no emotional reactions or suffering.  Act according to Shastra and be finished with it.  Move on in freedom.

With this kind of orientation one would not only fit but will excel in this world as one’s actions are no more affected or inhibited by fear or greed.  One’s mind is unburdened and thinks clearly.

The desire to run away from the action and responsibilities on the pretext of giving oneself totally to one’s chosen path is, more often than not, because of dominance of ‘Tamas’ and / or one’s inability to face the situations around.  Running away also takes away from one the possibilities of encountering situations where one’s progress in spiritual field may be tested.  It is the real life situation that tests one’s patience and capacity to remain unaffected by the pleasant or unpleasant situations and provide opportunities for further progress.

As for fitting in the social set-up, when one is at peace with one self (this happens when one attains a state of total acceptance and merely responds to the situations as per the social norms and law of the land – one evolves to this state as a result of one’s spiritual practices), one would be at peace with everyone.  Though with progress in the spiritual field, the futility of material ambitions becomes obvious, with inner harmony in place, one would be comfortable in late night parties and discussion on everything under the sun.  Problem arises when one continues with one’s likes and dislikes.  Total acceptance, as envisaged in Tantra, is the key.  Further, with progress in this field one smoothly acquires a new circle, a new family of seekers.  It is like change of one’s circle from childhood to adulthood or adulthood to old age.  It is a natural change.

One should, therefore, continue in the thick of action, let the life teach its lessons, pursue one’s spiritual practices and allow the change of social circle to happen without any clinging to the old.  And thus achieve peace with oneself and everything and everyone around.  And be blissful in this unity.

Osho guides his disciples by saying – continue in this world as you are, do not try to bring about any change in your actions.  Only add meditation to your daily routine.  Whatever needs to change will change by itself.  Whatever does not change, it is OK.

Living in Harmony – No Conflict, Compromise or Sacrifice

To a friend who misunderstood the concept that compromise and sacrifice does not lead one to a joyful living

It is true that if in a relationship one makes a sacrifice or compromise, an expectation is attached to it.  More often than not such expectation is not fulfilled resulting in a feeling that one has allowed oneself to be taken for a ride.  Consequently there is a feeling of frustration, anger or depression.  In some way (unknowingly - propelled by sub-conscious feelings) one is likely to take his revenge and, therefore, sacrifice or the compromise as such does not help anyone.  But at the same time, it is equally true that when we have no option but to live in this society, particularly with our family members, if we have to be happy and enjoy our lives, our relationships have to be harmonious and free of confrontations.

There is thus an unavoidable need for change in all of us – to achieve harmony in our relationships.

Now the question is how to avoid confrontations in relationships without compromise, repression and sacrifice?  It is impossible to achieve it through change of persons or situations or through rationalisation of one’s thought process or mind.  The process of rationalisation can at best reduce the irritants to some extent and make the relationships tolerable.  But in this, there is no scope for joyous living.

For a joyous living one has to look for some other process – a process of transformation which results in increased level of acceptance in us.  If acceptance arises, one is in harmony with everyone and everything around and the question of repression or sacrifice does not arise.

Before coming to the process of inner transformation, it would be better if we first understand the reasons for non-acceptance or disharmony.  The level of non-acceptance in fact depends on intensity of our likes and dislikes.  These in turn depend on our ideas of good and bad, or so to say, our social conditioning. These ideas and conditioning constitute our personality or mind.  If we have rigid notions about right and wrong or good and bad, our personality, a false sense of self (ego), is strong.  We would then have strong likes and dislikes.  Since most of the external situations (including the behavior of our family members and friends) are not going to be exactly as per our likes and dislikes, they would trigger emotions like anger, violence, depression, fear etc. in us and cause all kinds of complexities in our mind and relationships.  The demolition of this false sense of self, the personality, is thus the only way to become more and more accepting and capable of living in harmony with the persons and the existence around.

The demolition of mental constructions or false sense of self or ego – the process of inner transformation – is the aim of all spiritual sadhana.

Once, one is in harmony with the persons and things around, one is in paradise – always joyous.  It also requires to be clearly understood that sadhana does not lead one to a disinterested kind of life but to a fuller life – capable of enjoying everything and every situation.  Sadhana is the only way to live life like a king and not as a beggar – always seeking attention, love and appreciations from others.

Guru shows the way – follow it – never to regret later.

One more thing to understand – the existence or the God or any Guru cannot force any thing on any body.  If it was possible, one Krishna or one Buddha, with the compassion they had for all the suffering in this world, would have made the entire world free of suffering and enlightened.

If one is open, willing and aspires for some change, only then he can help remove the obstacles.

Universal love and service

Indian mystics and Sufi saints searched for the source of creation by going in, having experience of that consciousness and then seeing (experiencing) THAT in everyone and everything around. Universal love was the outcome.

Some (like Christians) search for the creator through service of living beings.

Religious people mainly do good deeds (serve others) for improving their own lot in this life or the life hereafter or for avoiding suffering.  Basically they are driven by greed and fear – not by a genuine desire to serve and seek.

There are many others (propelled by Rajas and Tamas) – social workers – who acting through their egos (as if they have been entrusted with the task of forcing others to mend their ways), take upon themselves the task of improving things around (civilization, environment, animals, old structures etc.).  In many a case their initiatives are born from deep sense of fear at sub-conscious level of their minds – not out of love and compassion.  Ego or fear drives most of these social workers (including some politicians).

To give an example, one of my friends was in the grip of strong sense of fear.  If a plane was passing over, he had the fear what if this 250MT of metal falls over my head.  He had dozens of old cars.  He used to clean, repair and look after them.  One day he brought an old Mercedes car.  He told me they were taking this poor thing to junkyard!  I saved her and brought her here.

Destruction and creation is normal cycle of existence.  Can one really save anyone or anything and for how long?  In this infinite existence, galaxies are sucked into blackholes and others come out – what to talk of saving something on this earth.  Death and destruction leads to creation! The elements of junked car would bring a new one into existence (not directly).  Trying to save it is an act born out of ignorance and does not really help – it is in fact inefficient use of resources.