Being judgemental leads to intolerance

A few days back, I was in Delhi.  My brother-in-law was with me with his wife and son.

His son, Kanha, is extremely active, fond of eating and an affable boy of about 7 years of age.  He continues to play and jump whole day – never gets tired, never sits.  He makes friends with everyone and whenever visiting a Guru, a temple or any religious place; his devotion shows in his facial and body expression.  Gurus and priests show a great affection to him.  His personality thus reflects some characteristics of his name.

Once we had gone to the Banke Bihari temple in Mathura.  There was a huge crowd.  When we were trying to bend by the sides of railings to have darshan of Banke Bihari from a close range, the priest suddenly lifted him (him alone) and took inside to the Sanctum Santorum.  He offered sashtang pranam.

Another time we were in Srisailam Mallikarjun temple near Hyderabad.  There men, not the children, are supposed to take off their upper garments.  He insisted on taking off his upper garments and once inside the Sanctum Santorum, he did sashtang pranam and while doing so, spontaneously he put his head on the Shivlinga – nobody has ever told him to do that.

He must have come here with accumulated Punyas of many many lives.

At the level of conscious mind, I am convinced about the reality that everything which we perceive is HIS leela.  HE alone manifests in all forms – no one can therefore be considered as virtuous or otherwise.  This consciousness coupled with sadhana and, above all, blessing of Gurus has enabled me to have ill will towards none – making me quite at peace with myself.

But still behavioural and response patterns set in the mind, i.e., sanskaras, cause irritation and sometime make me respond in an intolerant way.

When in Delhi this time, Kanha was with us.  As usual, true to his nature, he was jumping in the bed and as usual ...  I was not liking this.  After a while, he picked up my book (which I am reading now a days with great reverence) – a book on the life of a great saint Nizamuddin Auliya – wherein the saint emphasises universal acceptance and having ill will against none.  And I could not control my reaction (caused by intolerance and reflex action) – I slapped him.  Puzzled, he asked me, "kyun?" (meaning why did I slap him – what wrong did he do? – he was just playing with no intention of irritating anyone).

I immediately realised my shortcoming – intolerance.

Though I am aware of my intolerance in certain situations, but this awareness is certainly not deep enough.  Till one is judgemental (mind classifies actions into good and bad or right and wrong or moral and immoral) irritation / intolerance will continue.  This incident – slapping an innocent and pious soul – has made me acutely aware of it.  I was moved.

It reminded me of another incident, sometime in the year 1983 when I became angry with my wife (this time it had persisted for a few hours) and she was trying to cajole me.  I had pushed her from the bed (she was pregnant).  Immediately thereafter I had to leave for training to Mumbai.  It provided me an opportunity for contemplation.  This, perhaps, led me to seek solution for extreme anger and fear in me and force / motivation for sustained sadhana since then.

As I have mentioned in a few of my earlier posts, understanding through conscious mind is not enough – transformation through sadhana and devotion (sharnagati) is what is required.

All of us have deeply ingrained sanskaras accumulated over a number of lives.  We need to be aware of them and pursue our sadhana with that awareness.

Sharpened awareness on account of contemplation over this incident of slapping, with blessings of Gurus and HIS grace, will perhaps lead me, in due course, to acceptance for everything and everyone and thereby get over my intolerance!