Picking up thread from where it was left a few weeks back – on my transfer, we shifted in a flat in Ahmedabad from the bungalow in Indore in April, 1992. Consequently the meditation involving movement – like Nataraj Meditation – got dropped (the need for such meditations may not have been there any more).
While at Indore, I had a (mild) wish to experience Maun (silence) for a few days but did not find it practicable in our usual setting. While in Ahmedabad, I met one of my batch mates (Shri O G Ganvir) who was and continues to be associated with Vipassana propagated by Goenkaji from Igatpuri. He told me that this 10 day meditation camp requires the participants to observe Maun for 9 days and that it was soon happening in Ahmedabad itself. I joined the camp with Shri Ganvir in October / November, 1993 – the wish got fulfilled.
Vipassana is an arduous course inasmuch as it requires about 11 hours of meditations each day. Each sitting is of one hour and one is supposed not to make smallest of adjustment in one’s posture during this duration. I used to feel pain in my back after about half an hour which went on increasing with time. In this form of meditation, one is supposed to observe the sensations, pain and pleasure in various limbs of one’s body. One is also supposed to remain a spectator of every thought, vision or experience – not attaching any significance to them and take them as mere play of mind. As the course prgresses one is supposed to feel the flow of energy in the body from head to toe and back to the head. These prcesses help remove blockages in the flow of Prana.
Another important aspect of this meditation, in my view, is that it makes one know it experientially that pain and pleasure are transitory. What actually happens is that when it is time for the participants to feel pain (after about 40 minutes), the preceptor tells the participants that it is “Anitya” (impermanent or transitory). When a session is over and one moves around in a five minute break and sits again for another session, actually there is no pain. Through repeated experience one thus understands that the pain is actually transitory.
Osho used to say that when one is in pain, whole body becomes conscious and comes alive. Any thought repeated in that (vulnerable) state seeps into deeper layers of one’s mind (perhaps it creates the bio memory by penetrating each cell of the body) – the idea that pain is transitory thus sits deep inside through Vipassana. This understanding gets automatically recalled (like a ‘pop-up’ in computer) without intervention of the conscious mind (it is the experience of everyone of us that conscious mind is not a useful ally in extreme situations when one is gripped by strong emotions) and helps one to pass through difficult situations without being overtaken by them. This ‘pop-up’ is a result of happening of a ‘click’ or ‘initiation’ (this may happen through a master, shastra or one's observation) as Paramhamsa Nithyanandji calls it. The ‘clicks’ or ‘initiations’ like this, are crucial to one’s spiritual evolution.
And as luck would have it, this experience stood me in good stead when immediately after this camp I had to endure severe pain while suffering from TB. May be, the existence or Guru Tatwa planned it that way. Though, I was in severe pain for months together (with cramps in the neck and other parts of the body), nobody talking to me on phone could make out that I was that serious. Being empowered by Vipassana in the first place and getting opportunity to observe severe pain immediately thereafter (TB was detected within few days of my coming from the camp) perhaps was a life time opportunity for me to meditate (I was on leave for more than 6 months at that time in the year 1994) and develop body awareness (called Kaya Smriti by Bhagwan Buddha) – perhaps one of the first steps to see oneself as distinct from one’s body and thus drop identification with the body and mind.
Since I could not sit and meditate during that period, I became a member of an Osho Library and started listening to Osho’s audio cassettes. Apart from getting clarity at conscious level (in this period, among others, I listened to 96 lectures on Ashtavakra Geeta – a profound text on Gyan Yoga), listening to Osho was a very effective way of meditating.
During this period, I also, sometimes, tried Osho’s Vipassana meditation where one is expected to be aware of everything around (sounds from every source; touch of air; breathing; texture and coolness or otherwise of pillow, bed sheet etc.) without concentrating on anything in particular – Osho used to call it as ‘diffused awareness’. This could be done lying down in the bed.
Slowly I recovered from illness. I continued listening to audio cassettes / reading Osho’s books and occasionally doing above mentioned meditation. I also continued to observe impulses / vibrations / sensations caused in my body by the emotional reactions (for details refer an earlier article titled as “Descend from the mind – inhabit the body”) but did not take to regular one hour meditations I had been doing previously. May be this was the time to pause.
In June, 1997 I got transferred to Mumbai and apart from above mentioned practices, I used to go for morning walk by the side of Arabian Sea in Priyadarshini Park just opposite our residences.
In an earlier article I had referred to one Swami Anand Gautam Ji. In January, 2000 he invited me to attend a Meditation Camp named as “Vigyan Bhairav Tantra” in Indore. While inviting, in all humility, he said that my joining the programme will add grace to it. This three day programme was aimed at giving the participants taste of some of the 112 methods of meditations given by Shiva to Parvati. I was reluctant to go as I felt that I have already tried many of them and dropped them under the instructions of Osho himself. He surely sensed it and, therefore, reminded me a few times and thereafter moved a trump card by asking me send my programme details so that he can arrange for my tickets. I was bowled over by this offer and went to Indore.
I sincerely participated in all the meditations but in the gap between two meditations I used to feel that it is of no use and that I am wasting time. At the conclusion of the programme, as is usual in Osho’s programmes, everybody celebrates by joining in a dance. I also joined and was with Maa Amrit Sadhana from Osho Ashram. I felt a little better. Swamiji gave me some money and a sari for my wife.
Next morning, back in Mumbai, as usual, I went to the park for walk. But that day I had no inclination to look up and instead was looking only a few steps ahead at the ground – the way Buddhists do their walking meditation. At the end of it, I felt like sitting on a bench by the seashore for a while. Having sat, I felt like simultaneously observing the touch of the air on my face, cool touch of the bench, sounds of ocean waves, crows, vehicles, persons talking to each other etc. – not concentrating on anything in particular – meditation described as ‘diffused awareness’ by Osho. The setting was ideal. Thereafter it became everyday routine for next three years and the period of sitting gradually increased from 15 minutes to almost an hour.
Much later, I understood that this was grace of Osho working through Swami Anand Gautam Ji that put me on to the path again. While on the issue I may add that all these years, since I left Indore, Swamiji used to send me a calendar, a magazine and a book or cassette on the New Year day. I used to find their contents appropriate at that stage of my sadhana. All guru’s grace!
Just when I came back from the meditation camp and started meditating as mentioned above, I started reading Osho’s lectures on Buddha. These lectures are contained in 12 volumes of a book titled as “Uss Dhamma Sanatano”. There were repeated suggestions in these volumes to the need for a living master. He said that we interpret the teachings of masters on the basis of our experience in life whereas the master is speaking from a different level of experience. There is huge gap. While reading, we selectively pick up the teachings to strengthen our own beliefs instead of breaking them and become free from bondage. A living master will not allow such misinterpretation and keeps the disciple on the right path.
The idea to seek a living master stood planted.
To be contd. … …
While at Indore, I had a (mild) wish to experience Maun (silence) for a few days but did not find it practicable in our usual setting. While in Ahmedabad, I met one of my batch mates (Shri O G Ganvir) who was and continues to be associated with Vipassana propagated by Goenkaji from Igatpuri. He told me that this 10 day meditation camp requires the participants to observe Maun for 9 days and that it was soon happening in Ahmedabad itself. I joined the camp with Shri Ganvir in October / November, 1993 – the wish got fulfilled.
Vipassana is an arduous course inasmuch as it requires about 11 hours of meditations each day. Each sitting is of one hour and one is supposed not to make smallest of adjustment in one’s posture during this duration. I used to feel pain in my back after about half an hour which went on increasing with time. In this form of meditation, one is supposed to observe the sensations, pain and pleasure in various limbs of one’s body. One is also supposed to remain a spectator of every thought, vision or experience – not attaching any significance to them and take them as mere play of mind. As the course prgresses one is supposed to feel the flow of energy in the body from head to toe and back to the head. These prcesses help remove blockages in the flow of Prana.
Another important aspect of this meditation, in my view, is that it makes one know it experientially that pain and pleasure are transitory. What actually happens is that when it is time for the participants to feel pain (after about 40 minutes), the preceptor tells the participants that it is “Anitya” (impermanent or transitory). When a session is over and one moves around in a five minute break and sits again for another session, actually there is no pain. Through repeated experience one thus understands that the pain is actually transitory.
Osho used to say that when one is in pain, whole body becomes conscious and comes alive. Any thought repeated in that (vulnerable) state seeps into deeper layers of one’s mind (perhaps it creates the bio memory by penetrating each cell of the body) – the idea that pain is transitory thus sits deep inside through Vipassana. This understanding gets automatically recalled (like a ‘pop-up’ in computer) without intervention of the conscious mind (it is the experience of everyone of us that conscious mind is not a useful ally in extreme situations when one is gripped by strong emotions) and helps one to pass through difficult situations without being overtaken by them. This ‘pop-up’ is a result of happening of a ‘click’ or ‘initiation’ (this may happen through a master, shastra or one's observation) as Paramhamsa Nithyanandji calls it. The ‘clicks’ or ‘initiations’ like this, are crucial to one’s spiritual evolution.
And as luck would have it, this experience stood me in good stead when immediately after this camp I had to endure severe pain while suffering from TB. May be, the existence or Guru Tatwa planned it that way. Though, I was in severe pain for months together (with cramps in the neck and other parts of the body), nobody talking to me on phone could make out that I was that serious. Being empowered by Vipassana in the first place and getting opportunity to observe severe pain immediately thereafter (TB was detected within few days of my coming from the camp) perhaps was a life time opportunity for me to meditate (I was on leave for more than 6 months at that time in the year 1994) and develop body awareness (called Kaya Smriti by Bhagwan Buddha) – perhaps one of the first steps to see oneself as distinct from one’s body and thus drop identification with the body and mind.
Since I could not sit and meditate during that period, I became a member of an Osho Library and started listening to Osho’s audio cassettes. Apart from getting clarity at conscious level (in this period, among others, I listened to 96 lectures on Ashtavakra Geeta – a profound text on Gyan Yoga), listening to Osho was a very effective way of meditating.
During this period, I also, sometimes, tried Osho’s Vipassana meditation where one is expected to be aware of everything around (sounds from every source; touch of air; breathing; texture and coolness or otherwise of pillow, bed sheet etc.) without concentrating on anything in particular – Osho used to call it as ‘diffused awareness’. This could be done lying down in the bed.
Slowly I recovered from illness. I continued listening to audio cassettes / reading Osho’s books and occasionally doing above mentioned meditation. I also continued to observe impulses / vibrations / sensations caused in my body by the emotional reactions (for details refer an earlier article titled as “Descend from the mind – inhabit the body”) but did not take to regular one hour meditations I had been doing previously. May be this was the time to pause.
In June, 1997 I got transferred to Mumbai and apart from above mentioned practices, I used to go for morning walk by the side of Arabian Sea in Priyadarshini Park just opposite our residences.
In an earlier article I had referred to one Swami Anand Gautam Ji. In January, 2000 he invited me to attend a Meditation Camp named as “Vigyan Bhairav Tantra” in Indore. While inviting, in all humility, he said that my joining the programme will add grace to it. This three day programme was aimed at giving the participants taste of some of the 112 methods of meditations given by Shiva to Parvati. I was reluctant to go as I felt that I have already tried many of them and dropped them under the instructions of Osho himself. He surely sensed it and, therefore, reminded me a few times and thereafter moved a trump card by asking me send my programme details so that he can arrange for my tickets. I was bowled over by this offer and went to Indore.
I sincerely participated in all the meditations but in the gap between two meditations I used to feel that it is of no use and that I am wasting time. At the conclusion of the programme, as is usual in Osho’s programmes, everybody celebrates by joining in a dance. I also joined and was with Maa Amrit Sadhana from Osho Ashram. I felt a little better. Swamiji gave me some money and a sari for my wife.
Next morning, back in Mumbai, as usual, I went to the park for walk. But that day I had no inclination to look up and instead was looking only a few steps ahead at the ground – the way Buddhists do their walking meditation. At the end of it, I felt like sitting on a bench by the seashore for a while. Having sat, I felt like simultaneously observing the touch of the air on my face, cool touch of the bench, sounds of ocean waves, crows, vehicles, persons talking to each other etc. – not concentrating on anything in particular – meditation described as ‘diffused awareness’ by Osho. The setting was ideal. Thereafter it became everyday routine for next three years and the period of sitting gradually increased from 15 minutes to almost an hour.
Much later, I understood that this was grace of Osho working through Swami Anand Gautam Ji that put me on to the path again. While on the issue I may add that all these years, since I left Indore, Swamiji used to send me a calendar, a magazine and a book or cassette on the New Year day. I used to find their contents appropriate at that stage of my sadhana. All guru’s grace!
Just when I came back from the meditation camp and started meditating as mentioned above, I started reading Osho’s lectures on Buddha. These lectures are contained in 12 volumes of a book titled as “Uss Dhamma Sanatano”. There were repeated suggestions in these volumes to the need for a living master. He said that we interpret the teachings of masters on the basis of our experience in life whereas the master is speaking from a different level of experience. There is huge gap. While reading, we selectively pick up the teachings to strengthen our own beliefs instead of breaking them and become free from bondage. A living master will not allow such misinterpretation and keeps the disciple on the right path.
The idea to seek a living master stood planted.
To be contd. … …
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